Lonely as a Clud ;)

Spring break flew by faster than normal— every moment not spent running around to meet friends or running errands was spent frantically typing a 15 page paper (which I STILL haven’t finished— :/  ).  But already, after a last sushi dinner farewell with the folks, I will head back to Charlotte and back to try something totally new.

My first photoshoot is tomorrow.  Bit scared.  Bit excited.  Mostly feel like a poser.  Love the idea of having hair and makeup done for me, but the whole ‘model’ thing?  Freaks me out.  Oh well, I’m going to try to go in there and just have fun, taking the whole thing lightly and enjoy it.

I’ve finally gotten to spend some time with my besty, had lots of coffee breaks and nights out with friends over amazingly rich meals, was welcomed with open arms into a friend’s family’s home for dinner dessert and scary movies, and spent time with my gran and puppies.  I’m constantly rushing, constantly busy, constantly moving or worrying or working, but I kind of don’t know how to be if I’m NOT like this, lol.  I’m exhausted, but I’m happy I saw everyone.  I don’t want to go back and do school, but I’m excited to see where (if anywhere) this modeling thing leads.  And, if nowhere, at least I’ll have a great experience and memory.

the last few weeks have been a crazy whirlwind of stress and papers, tears and lonely nights, and friends that helped me through it.  But coming home yesterday was exactly what i needed.

i’ve been here less than 24 hours, and already feel more relaxed than i have in ages and more well rested.  i came home to a lovely husky, a lovelier sister, and spent the friday dining at some amazing restaurants, drinking tons of coffee in cute litte coffee shops, and meeting old friends (and running into some even older friends) at a hole in the wall place called the Art Bar, where I enjoyed two awesome acts of improv comedy before excusing myself for the night.

it was a fun, late night,but i feel more rested than ever.  Woke up  bright and early to hit an estate sale, where the merch was lovely  but way overpriced, and then made up for it by visiting an amazing vintage shop in 5 points where I scored some gorgeous 1940s nighties and an amazing faux leapord print coat.  

this is what i needed, and it’s only been a day.  I feel like my soul is actually healing.  i can’t wait to see my friends, my babies, and take a couple days to just rest before heading back to Charlotte for an even newer experience (first photoshoot ever- AHHHHHH!!! :/ )

Now, I sit and wait for peanut butter chocolate cookies to cool while sipping tea and listening to amy winehouse.  these are the days :)  i’m happier than i’ve been in a while.  and i hope it lasts.

So, let me get this straight…Charlie Sheen can make a “porn family”, Kelsey Grammar can end a 15 year marriage over the phone, Larry King can be on divorce #9, Britney Spears had a 55 hour marriage, Jesse James and Tiger Woods, while married, were having sex with EVERYONE. Yet, the idea of same-sex marriage is going to destroy the institution of marriage? Really? Reblog if you are proud to support equal rights.

i havent posted in a while.  but i have a good excuse:  some pretty awesome, completely unexpected stuff has happened.

this saturday for example:  i woke up bright and early and went to a casting call at Evolution Talent Agency (the exact one where Brooklyn Decker is at), where myself and a few other girls spent an hour and a half runway training and being cast in a Mercedes-benz fashion show.  And they picked me!  I get to compete with a few other girls for a contract with the agency, and am walking in their show in about a month:  I am both psyched and TERRIFIED.

Also, got another article in to my Charlotte magazine, one that was really fun to write :) Things are slowly starting to come together; I feel like nothing has happened, and at the sam time, everything, like things are finally starting to fall into place for what might be an awesome future.  I never expected anything like this to happen, but I’m so grateful it has because it is a kick-ass opportunity and sure to be incredibly fun regardless of the outcome. I am terrified, but I know i’ll be kicking myself if I don’t take advantage of the opportunities coming my way, so I’m going to go balls-out and do all I can to make it happen :)

I just wish I could shove it in my ex’s face.  Hah.  Just kidding— that’s stupid… yet the thought is oddly satisfying?… wow, i’m out of character today :/ 

i havent posted in a while.  but i have a good excuse:  some pretty awesome, completely unexpected stuff has happened.

this saturday for example:  i woke up bright and early and went to a casting call at Evolution Talent Agency (the exact one where Brooklyn Decker is at), where myself and a few other girls spent an hour and a half runway training and being cast in a Mercedes-benz fashion show.  And they picked me!  I get to compete with a few other girls for a contract with the agency, and am walking in their show in about a month:  I am both psyched and TERRIFIED.

Also, got another article in to my Charlotte magazine, one that was really fun to write :) Things are slowly starting to come together; I feel like nothing has happened, and at the sam time, everything, like things are finally starting to fall into place for what might be an awesome future.  I never expected anything like this to happen, but I’m so grateful it has because it is a kick-ass opportunity and sure to be incredibly fun regardless of the outcome. I am terrified, but I know i’ll be kicking myself if I don’t take advantage of the opportunities coming my way, so I’m going to go balls-out and do all I can to make it happen :)

one of my best friends in the awkward middle school phase and probably one of the most likable, funny, and amazing girls you will ever meet.  and she just lost her boyfriend, her love.

my heart is absolutely aching for her.  i can’t even imagine that kind of pain, and so young.  i haven’t seen her since she moved.  i’ve had brief contact.  but she’s the kind of person who touches you once in friendship and your connected for ever, and that’s a rare quality.  a truly beautiful person just lost someone so truly beautiful to her; her love.  please send whatever you’ve got to my friend tonight, be you aethist, christian, budhist, whatever.  nothing matters at times like these except caring and love, reaching out to people who need it and giving them everything you’re heart’s got.

i can’t believe the pain she’s going through.  i can’t believe that someone so young was ripped away, from life, from her.  nothing can ever take that feeling away.  my heart aches for her on this night.

sometimes you love having a day alone.  other times, it drives you up the wall and you feel panic coming on.  what’s the worst is when you can’t figure out HOW you feel about it :/ today is one of those days.  I have plenty to do.  I’ve had a great couple weekend days chilling with my friends.  But i finally have one sunday dedicated to just me, like i promised myself, and i think i’m going mad?….

i dunno how i feel… that’s the worst.  so i’m sitting at my kitchen counter in my pajamas, drinking green tea and cranberry juice, doing laundry and watching mary-kate and ashley in paris.  they were my childhood, i loved all their stuff :)  roomie is away for once, which is kinda awesome, can’t lie.  but i feel like i’m flailing… i’m not sad.  i’m not lonely.  but i’m not content.  maybe i just need to get up and move.

a walk in the warm sunshine is calling my name.